That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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