You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
