If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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