ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
