I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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