It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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