Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
