im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
