it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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