toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
