Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
