This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
