Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
