your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize