i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
