i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
