all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
