I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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