I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
