If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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