I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
