All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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