so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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