Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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