I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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