I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
