please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
