Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
