hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
