i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
pop tarts are not kleenex
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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