She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
