You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
