So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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