I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
