around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
