the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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