dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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