I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
