I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
