We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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