Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
