So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
