So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
