found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
