I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
