Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize