i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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