i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
