I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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