oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
