Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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