Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
