I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize