i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
