I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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