He disabled his match.com account in front of me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
