dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
