During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize