hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
