So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
