please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
