I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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