We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
