do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
