drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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