i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
