I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
