if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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