She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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