Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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