My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
