i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
