the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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